Cabin Fever.

We had an interesting weekend.  The Mid-South was hit by an ice storm that pretty much shut everything down.   If that wasn’t enough, when trees and power lines have ice built up on them they tend to break.   Since Friday we lost power three times for a total of probably somewhere near 12 hours.  That is a rather eye-opening experience.   Rather than complain about it, I prefer to think about it from the perspective of being grateful.   There are so many people in this world who have no electricity or only have electricity for a portion of the day, that our experience served to make me appreciate the blessings we have.   We had to rely on the heat from our fireplace and all of us had to gather in the family room to keep warm.

Michelle’s sister and her family live 5 doors away, and they did not get electricity back as quickly as we did, so we had them come over to get warm and take hot showers and a warm meal.

Given that we live in the most affluent country on earth,  sometimes we can benefit from a little perspective change.   As we sit in our warm homes and watch our flat screen TVs and hear about the folks in Haiti who are having to sleep in parks and streets.  We should remember and be thankful for what we have and maybe even give serious consideration to sharing some of that blessing with someone who has lost everything.

Family is how you define it.

A very dear friend of mine taught me that family is something that we get to choose how to define.     Some people are family by blood and birth, but many more are family by choice.   I think the lesson I learned from my friend that the definition of family is something flexible helped me to be more open and willing to consider adoption.   Now that Logan is here in our home I seldom think of him as anything other than my son.   I don’t say that to hurt the feelings of any birth mothers who may read this, but rather to illustrate the way my thinking has changed.   Logan is in every way, my son.  This week I learned that other members of my family feel similarly.   I was  playing with Logan on the floor in the family room.  He loves it when he faces me, and arches his back, throws back his head and falls backward, and of course, I catch him and ease him down to the floor saying “BONK” when his head gently touches.   He also likes to hear his own voice when you pat him on the chest and make his voice have that vibrato sound.   I had just laid him back and done the “BONK” thing and then he was squealing with delight and I started to pat his chest.  It was at that moment that Buck,  our biggest dog, came running over to me and put his head between my hands and Logan’s chest.   He was being protective.  Just to test his reaction, once Buck had laid down a few feet away, I patted Logan on the chest again.  Mind you I was not hurting Logan in any way at all, and he was loving it, but for a second time, Buck came racing over to protect Logan.    So, in Buck’s mind, Logan was a member of his pack and was worthy of his care.  It made me smile.  I assured Buck I wasn’t hurting Logan, and he seemed to understand.  I picked Logan up and hugged him and Buck licked my face, and then gave Logan a kiss too.

We survived.

Logan is fine now.  Michelle and I are fine now.  It was a rough weekend.  Logan felt pretty good by Saturday, but that is when Michelle and I came down with the same bug.   I could go on about how unpleasant the whole thing was, but honestly what sticks in my mind is that our little guy looked to us for comfort and solace,  and that felt amazing.   He didn’t understand what was happening to him or why, but he trusted that we would help him, and we did.   It is easy to get down about a sick kid, but on Saturday when I felt like death warmed over,  his happy little smile and cheerful babbling was comfort and solace for me.

The flexibility required of a parent.

I’m sure that all the parents who read this have had one of these days.   This morning I was about to head out the door for work when Logan’s needs outweighed mine.  He had picked up a bug somewhere and couldn’t keep his morning bottle down.    I stayed home from work and did my best to see to his comfort and health.  The poor little guy was really not feeling well.   Both of us ended up changing clothes 4 times today.  Finally toward the end of the day he was able to keep down some liquid.  We’re following the doctor’s orders.   While it may sound like I’m complaining,  I want to assure you that I am not.  I enjoyed being able to be there and be a comfort for him.   It is something that I never imagined I would find rewarding, but for some reason, when YOUR kid is the one that is sick, all you think about is how they feel, and how to make them feel better.   I used to be one of those people who couldn’t see, let alone smell someone else’s vomit without losing my own lunch.  Today 4 times, I was on the receiving end of Logan’s vomit, and each time I could only think about how best to take care of him.   As I write this, I have “Logan TV” sitting next to me so that I can keep an eye on him in case he gets sick again.   I think we’re past the worst of it.  He has kept down a few ounces of flavored water I gave him about an hour ago.  Maybe tomorrow my little man will be back to his smiling happy self.   I saw glimpses of it this evening, and it made the entire days trial worthwhile.

Christmas revised

Yesterday we celebrated our first Christmas as parents of a child who was old enough to be aware of what was going on around him.  What a difference a child makes in how the parents experience the season.   Personally I am of the Christian faith and so for me the focus of the season is to celebrate the birth of Jesus.   Bec ause I am now a parent,  and have an appreciation for what that means that I never had before,  the magnitude of that gift has much more poignancy now.

Watching Logan enjoy the holiday yesterday was a joy I couldn’t comprehend before I became a parent.   Christmas is for children.   I firmly believe now that you cannot fully experience the joy the season has to offer unless you are able to share the experience with your child.  I’ve shared it with nieces and nephews that I love dearly but the experience is not the same as it is when you share it with your own child.  So, as I’ve done before,  I feel compelled to thank Logan’s birth mother and father for allowing Michelle and I this opportunity.

I’ve posted a few new pictures.

Birthday

Today is Logan’s first birthday.  We had a party for him on Sunday, and he was introduced to birthday cake, and more importantly, icing.  Michelle made a castle cake with a fondant (think sheet of icing) made out of marshmallows.  When Logan got his piece of cake, he pulled the icing off with one hand and stuffed as much as humanly possible in his mouth.  His expression said it all, “What is this new and delicious thing you’ve hidden from me my whole life!?!” Friends and family were very generous with their gifts, and Logan has been having a ball with his new toys.  The thing that made me laugh the most was the fact that we evidently have not been teaching him “southern ways” adequately. He received a pair of camouflage overalls, a camo onesie, and a John Deere tractor to scoot around on.  Personally, I find the picture of him in his camo overalls astride his John Deere with no shirt on absolutely hysterical.

He continues to progress as you would expect.  He pulled up to standing for the first time on Sunday.  He’ll take awkward steps if you hold his hands or support him under the arms.  It won’t be long at all until he is running.

Everyone always says that once you have kids, your life changes forever.  That is such an all-encompassing statement that you really can’t grasp what it means until it happens to you.  As I think about how my life has changed in the past year I cannot think of a single aspect that is not different.  Just as a very mild “for instance” ; I have one picture of my wife on my desk…..I have two of Logan on my bulletin board, he is my computer background, and my cell phone background.  He is the first person I speak to every morning.  I think about his needs before my own always.  I look forward to seeing him every evening, and playing with him.  When I see him in the evenings for the first time and his bright smile lights up his face and he comes crawling toward me as fast as he can, my heart just swells with love.  All this and he can’t talk, or walk yet.

Adopting him has been the single best thing I’ve ever done with my life.  I am changed forever and for the better.  On this one year anniversary of that life changing event, just in case she is reading this let me say to you, Logan’s birth mom, I am forever grateful to you.  I know your motivation was to do what was best for him, and I will never forget that it is my obligation to always do my absolute best for him to honor your decision.  Thank you!

You can’t plan for everything.

One thing no one shared with me to expect was that kids get colds from other kids, and they easily transmit those germs to those who care for them.  He hasn’t quite learned to cover his mouth when he coughs yet.   As a result, I haven’t been writing much lately because I’ve been under the weather again.  This time it merited a trip to the doctor.  Bronchial pneumonia is not fun.  Logan does have a cold,  but nothing like what that little bug did to me.    The worst part about being sick, is that I have to stay at arm’s length from Logan.  This bug is nothing to take lightly, and so I’m being careful to not expose him or Michelle.   It is crazy how much you can miss the company of someone who can’t speak, walk,  or do much of anything on his own.   Hopefully I will be over this bug in time for his birthday.

Mobility

Logan is moving out of the stage where he is nearly always content to be held.  He wants to move around and explore his world.  It is fun to watch, because it is obvious he wants to be able to stand up and open up new options for things to get into.  My mother used to joke that there was no point in buying toys for me, when I could have as much fun or more with a big box.  Logan hasn’t had the chance to explore any big boxes yet, but he will ignore the most colorful, thoughtfully designed to engage a child toy ever invented in favor of any type of electric containing cord.  Be it a cord for a lamp, a laptop, a phone charger, he will find them.  At this point I’m grateful that the era of VCRs is pretty much over. I can see him sticking his hands inside one very easily.  He is a STRONG little guy too!  We got cat litter in the jumbo bucket size the other day.  I set it in a spot intending to take it elsewhere shortly.  He found it, and was pulling the handle and moving a 25lb bucket, and he was in a crawling position!  This wasn’t leverage, it was strength!  Imagine a determined little guy with that kind of arm power and grip going after my glasses, and you can picture what happens every time I pick him up lately.  That is another thing I’ve noticed developing in him lately is his determination.  When he wants something, he does not give up trying to get it. I don’t use that quality to tease him, but I have to admit that I have laughed at him trying to reach a cord he could see, but couldn’t touch because a piece of furniture was in his way.  He makes funny noises when he is frustrated.  Hopefully that doesn’t make me a bad parent.  I didn’t let him struggle long, just a couple of seconds.  Needless to say, outlet protectors are everywhere in our home now.

As we approach a full year of parenting, I never imagined how my life would change, and my only regret is having not done it sooner.  I am at the right place in my life now to be a good, patient, and calm parent, and I think that is probably more important than the fact that I’m a bit older.  To all my friends who read this, and have clear memories of me saying I would never be a parent…..I was wrong.  I just didn’t understand.  What an amazing, life altering, life enhancing, extraordinarily rewarding first year this has been.

Beating a dead horse?

Maybe because I look for them, but maybe because I choose to be an optimist, I consistently find little things that Logan does to be immensely rewarding.   Like most 10 (nearly 11) month olds, he jabbers quite a bit, but he isn’t saying actual words yet.   I firmly believe he communicates nevertheless.   I referenced this behavior in an earlier post, Logan always responds to me when I make a popping noise with my mouth.   He responds by making the same noise, and we go back and forth for a few moments.   It doesn’t matter if he can see me or not, if he hears that noise, he will stop what he is doing and respond.   Likewise, when I hear him do it first, I stop and respond.   I’ve watched him, and sometimes he does it when he thinks I’m not paying attention to him.   Sometimes I do it to get his attention away from something he shouldn’t be getting into.   The odd thing is, he doesn’t seem to do it with other people.   I think he finds it comforting because when I respond, he knows for sure that I’m paying attention to him even if I’m in the next room preparing his dinner or something.   All of this explanation was setting the stage for something that happened the other night when I put him to bed.   He almost always goes down without any kind of fuss, and is quiet when we turn out the lights and close the door. The normal bedtime routine had proceeded as normal, and as I turned off the lights, he made the pop noise, just once, and I responded just once.   It felt like he was saying, “Good night Dad, I love you.” in our special little language.  I know I’m reading into it….but it warmed my heart.

Guilt is a good motivator.

One of my regular readers and very dear friends pointed out to me that my postings of late had been, “infrequent”.   Sorry.  I could make excuses, but it would be just that, so instead I’ll just say I’ll try to do better.    Writing a blog post is something I try to do when I’m inspired to say something rather than just present a laundry list of what has been going on in our lives.   I was amused that several of our friends commented on some photos I shared with them when they said that Logan looks like us.  I’ve not met or seen pictures of the birth father, but the birth mother did tell us that I look a lot like him.   With that being said, I’ve added several pictures to the October folder in the family photos link to the right.   Logan is crawling now in his own way.   He started out primarily rolling to get from one place to another.  Now he does an army crawl sort of thing.  He uses his elbows and legs and manages to get where he wants to go.   The dogs and cats are all on alert.  Buck, Logan’s self-appointed protector dog continues to prove to be amazingly patient and loving toward Logan which never ceases to amaze me.   Tonight Logan was trying to get Buck’s collar tags (I was 6 inches away and watching the whole interaction intently don’t worry) and Buck simply let him grab the tags and pull, and twist his collar and make all sorts of noises.  When Logan decided he was done, Buck licked him.   I have a feeling that once Logan starts walking and running, he and Buck are going to be nearly inseparable.

Michelle and I have not taken the opportunity to be away from Logan and have him stay with a baby sitter who wasn’t a family member until this past week.  A wonderful neighbor agreed to look after our little man so we could take an evening and go to a show.  When we got back and got the report from Denyce on Logan, it affirmed what we’ve been saying all along,  he is wonderful.  Denyce has two kids of her own, and she was astounded  by just how easy-going, happy and mellow was.   It is nice to get a second, impartial opinion verifying what we had come to believe.  We are very very lucky to have him, and I am grateful every day to his birth mother.   Thanks to her if she is reading this. (the birth father too, if by some chance he reads this too)